Oh Shit

I forgot to post today.

It comes... And it goes.

It's Sunday...
I promised myself I would start this blog earlier this week, but the tides of work and life smacked me around and left me disconcerted for the majority of my free time.

Part I:

Saw a movie called Hacksaw Ridge on Saturday with my older brother - he'd been meaning to see it sometime, but never got around to it. I was super grateful that he got me to come with. The movie, I would say, is graceful and eloquent. It follows the story of a soldier named Desmond Doss and how his faith played out in the wartime.

Preparation before witnessing the glory of all that is cinema.

Part II:

A ladybug crawled onto my finger today. Its tiny legs gingerly finding its way around the tree bark and my finger held me in wonder. What is life? What gives life? Where does it come from? We've lost a lot of the sense of wonder in this world. I wonder how we can bring it back?
....I'll see myself out.

*heavy breathing intensifies

Part III:

Along this week, for reasons unknown, my heart felt heavy all throughout. It felt tied down in some way, burdened. I think it was the collective angst of the campus atmosphere due to the election.
Or it might be my Bio 172 class. Oh my God I hate that class please someone save me

I hate bio 172.

If you just can't get enough of that lady bug action: Bug

See you guys next week.

- Jinwoo

On Faith: Part 1

I recently got back from Compelling, a Christian conference that went from Friday (11/4) to Sunday (11/6) at MSU.

Life, liberty, and the Pursuit of Brody's.

The course I took was 1 Thessalonians: Faith in Real Life.

Our group did inductive bible study at each of the sessions, and as we shared personal stories of how God was shaping our lives, we inevitably grew close to one another as well.

Observations and Questions

There were many lessons I learned, but one stood out the most which I wanted to share:

When we walk in our faith journey for a long time, faith can seem like a burden, as we feel we have to keep a strong face for our friends.We think we have to act a certain way to be "Christian", and to do so otherwise would turn our friends away Christianity. (It's weird how we think sometimes) Like a heavy bag that we carry on our back that weighs us down, faith doesn't seem to help us at all.

But the truth is, that faith can really be a friend that you lean on for support. A treasure that you go to in times of darkness, and a precious gift given to us by God. To grow, to water, and to nurture faith is essential, and when you allow it, faith can really touch the deeper parts of our hearts and minds.

How? Let me explain.

Personally, my faith journey has not been an easy one. My life has been filled with experiences I count as more than I could ever handle: Depression, heartbreak, and family troubles being some to name specifically. Past experiences still haunt me today when I look over my shoulder. God can seem so unspeakably cruel.

And yet, for some reason, I hold on to faith, with faith, by the grace of God. Not because I'm courageous, and not because I'm tenacious, but because God chose to keep me in His arms. I don't know why He relentlessly pursues me, but I know there is nothing like His love.

I hope my faith can be like this awesome tree one day.

The message of a King who would give his only son for my imperfect, scarlet sinful life is life-changing. It's inspiring, encouraging, and most importantly, so incredibly humbling. It's something I so desperately seek to understand fully in my short time here on earth.

Don't run from uncertainty - run towards faith, and you will find yourself a better man for it.

Sincerely,

- Jinwoo Lee

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead."

- Philippians 3:13

Life at Michigan

So it was Halloweekend this week, and I didn't really do anything in the spirit of.
But a huge pimple found its place on my nose. lol.

Parents: "Are you washing your face properly?"

I can just imagine the interactions on Monday...

"Oh, so you're a male witch for Halloween! That wart looks so real!"
"That's because it is real."
"Oh. Ugh."

*Walks away backwards slowly

*Cries inside silently in shame

*Embarrassed about comment because wart was real

*Wishes he had someone to hold him

*Wishes wart boy would say something to break the silence

*Never says anything

*Walks away out of sight

*Emotional wound intensifies

Furthermore, (Nevermore?) below are some videos I took as a tribute to the spooky season.
Check them out!

https://youtu.be/c7fXrzIDP5w

https://youtu.be/5NtsztzKxxw

A Mental Picture of Life

I stumbled upon a very beautiful psychological theory/psychosocial intervention approach diagram and page on Wikipedia the other day. It's called Cognitive behavioral therapy, a psychosocial intervention that is the most widely used evidence-based practice for treating mental disorders.

But I think we can all glean from this diagram, whether mentally ill or not. (Who is not mentally ill these days anyways)

It's called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

I found it helpful to see a diagram that mapped out why I did the things I did, and how my thoughts, feelings, and actions could be all related. 

I struggle a lot with self-image, and I believed such grim thoughts were mostly contained to myself. After seeing this diagram, I realized that it really could spill over (really, it does) and affect other areas of my life. How I view myself affects how I view others, and my future. (And how I view my future affects myself and others, and same goes for how I view others.)

It's a simple concept, and pretty obvious when you think about it, but strangely satisfying to discover a diagram that maps out how you feel, think, and behave.

Now the question is, how should you view yourself, others, and your future? How are core beliefs formed and sustained? Mmmm.... Deep questions....

What do you think about this diagram? Astounding? Psychobabble?

Let me know your thoughts!

- Jinwoo

If you are curious about CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) here is a link to the Wikipedia Page:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

Also another cool page related to CBT called Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT):
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_psychotherapy

IPT is based on the principle that relationships and life events impact mood and that the reverse (mood impacts relationships and life events) is also true.

Note: It's not a perfect psychological model/diagram, and there's a lot of criticism about it, but it's a little nugget I've found helpful to recognize.

About me

Part I: Therapy

"Let me know if it's too strong or weak," he said as he massaged my back.
"I want you to destroy me." I grunted matter-of-factly. Only after the words escaped my mouth did the heavy sexual connotation fully process into my (innocent?) brain.
I started cracking up uncontrollably and the massage guy (Larry) started laughing so hard too. We both had tears streaming down our faces, and we could not keep it together for a couple minutes...

Just two dudes... One dude massaging another dude... The other dude accidentally making sexual jokes...

My first massage. I laughed so hard.

Part II: Art Exhibit

I clumsily made my way into the exhibit, dumbfounded and feeling stupid for having gone in and not understanding any of the items. Apparently the concept was: trying to make sense of potholes, the artist trying to fill in the potholes from the streets of Detroit with assorted things.
What kind of pothole(s?) do I have in my life? What do I fill in those potholes with?
Potholes are inevitable, but why do they remain and grow bigger and bigger every year? (That's not a real question, I'm going to answer it for you in the next sentence.) Neglect and apathy to take action, I suppose.

As these questions ran through my mind, I realized, abstract art can make space for self-reflection.

What are some potholes in your life? What do you fill them with?

Artsy Potholes.

Part III: Facebook

A little while ago, Facebook added reaction emojis as a response to people complaining that the responses to posts were too limited. Well, I think the addition of these emojis made facebook a lot worse. Instead of typing, "Hahahahaha," people just click the "Haha" emoji. Isn't that sad? I think it is. It makes the communication experience much less interactive.

This has nothing to do with the topic. I just love this picture.

Introduction

Hello, friend!
Give your ear for a lend!

Welcome to my blog.
I'll try not to be a hog.

Love it or hate it,
let me know your thoughts about it.

Whatever your verdict
we're all imperfect.

Sincerely,
- Jinwoo Lee