Caught the Bug

There's a bug going around.
It was here last semester
But it's bigger and badder this time around.
It's called I-dont-want-to-get-any-work-done-or-be-productive-in-any-way-because-it's-almost-the-end-of-the-year-but-I-also-dont-want-to-fail-so-I-still-have-to-try-itis.
AKA
Senior-itis
no-work-itis
disappointed-in-myself-itis
love/hate-youtube-itis
not-a-real-disease-itis

Hope everyone is finding ways to stay afloat.
Self-care is essential in dire times.

See y'all soon.

- Jinwoo

For My Mother

Here is a song that I caught my mother listening to a long time ago:
It's called, Because I Love You, by Yoo Jae Ha.

It's pretty old, but there's something about it that makes me appreciate it.
There's actually a piano rendition of it I love listening to on repeat.
It's a lot softer and faster-paced than the original, which is a nice change of pace.

This week was a difficult one, as I missed a couple appointments, classes, and felt so out of tune with myself multiple times. I turned in an essay late, and found myself so down in da dumps. It seems like when I brood, I brood hard (is that even a real phrase?) but when times are good, I try my best to squeeze the best moments.

Life always goes on though. Through the highs and lows.

See you all next week.

Love,

- Jinwoo

Goals 101

Here are some goals I want to share with you guys:

1. Lose weight

2. Gain muscle

3. Tone body

4. Be healthy

5. Stay healthy

6. Achieve greatness

7. Eat horribly

Me at the CCRB.
I know, I know. I look different with my shirt off.

I need some work on numbers 1-6 but I'm doing number 7 really well.

You say number 7 runs counter to my goals?

....You're right.

All joking aside, I think I set some goals that run counter to fruitfulness in my life.

It's possible to have these counterproductive tasks with productive ones, but I'm only setting myself back in the long run by having the unhelpful ones.

A lot of it has to do with priorities and seeing the rewards of daily discipline.

Am I being too vague?

Okay, confession:

I've been playing too many video games recently...

Low on life.

Halp

A Duo of Poems

Temptations
I give in -
too easily
though I know it's a sin.

He is watching,
and though I know,
I continue to do so.

His presence so divine,
never fails to shine,

Yet I -
I give in,
and always will continue to sin.

Longing
From beginning to the end
there it is again.
It comes around the bend,
here and there and then
it passes round the curve.
Weaving and winding,
swimming and sighing.
Gently arousing slumber.

You'll miss it as it flies,
back into being -
O what, what is it I am seeing?
A glimpse of the future, of love, or of meaning?
A visceral, guttural moan,
A touch gentle to the bone.

Yearning to remember
what it was all about.
Contemplating, breath-giving, life-taking.

Creation's waves at play.
Calling me, calling me to deeper depths.
If only I'd known.

You would see -
myself, my only self.
visible, unfolding, becoming
shaking free of the memories
at last.

Epiphanies: Part II

Coming into college, I thought I was able to accomplish everything on my own. There was nothing I couldn't really achieve in high school if I worked hard enough.

One of the intellectual feats I conquered in high school.

Even after failing a lot (a LOT), I still hold on to this mindset. It's horrible. I can't let go it because I've slept with it for so long and it's why I even valued myself as a person. To be capable, strong, intelligent, and independent.

I think society tells us that if we're not able to be independent, we're weak and less valuable as individuals, that there's something wrong with us, and that we're worthless.

We promote the image of the self-made man/woman, who rises from the depths all the way to the top, championing hard work as their motto and chant.

Can you believe it? This toxic idea that promotes superheroes out of ordinary people - which cause harm because of unmet expectations and constant letdowns within oneself.

Do you have any solutions? How do you come to grips with this attitude? Or, maybe you still believe you can do everything on your own. Hope my words didn't come off as belittling to you.

Love,

- Jinwoo

Epiphanies: Part 1

What I'm slowly realizing are the amount of resources that I have available - not only at the University, but in life.
I have a therapist, a big brother, parents, a faith family, health, financial stability, games. This is not a bragadocious post, but just a recognition of my life's blessings.

It's up to me to utilize and make the most of every opportunity, to figure out my life's purpose as I glean from those who want the best for me. The result, I just leave up to God.
At least, that's the ideal mentality, haha. I've been making the most of enjoying games these past couple days. Which is not wrong, but there can definitely be adjustments here and there.

Dragon Knight, one of my favorite heroes in Dota 2. :)  (Yes, I'm a nerd)

Hope everyone has been well!

The weather has been really nice here in Michigan. Which makes it the perfect time to stay at home and play video games. (Not)

Love,

- Jinwoo

Life

I'm so tired.
Of being tired.
I wish it would get better!
And it always does, when I get to the middle of the day.
But the mornings are just so damn hard to slug through.
Perhaps I need to adjust my bedtime schedule.
I go to sleep quite late. It may be hindering how I feel in the morning :/