Where will the extent of our influence go?

Where will the extent of our influence go?

A warm soup for a hungry soul?
A hug that brings with it a light?
Or maybe a fist hurled in a fight.

The untangling of a beast,
caught in a net?
A look of the eyes, to be met.

Love given to a lover.
But deceptive in its inception,
It - takes and breaks - us.

Stronger than any other being,
We look to Him, the king of kings.
Satisfied, filled, renewed.

No, your influence has no end,
Even death could not rend.
Come, and mend.


*Inspired by Nocturne Op. 9 Andante by Chopin

I hope this is the last of the past of me

The end of the semester is drawing near, and I grow impatient* with myself when I look back and see missed opportunities. How I could've studied more, harder, smarter, etc. etc.

BLAST YOU HINDSIGHT!

One refreshing truth I find myself coming back to is this: I chose to be here. I like being here. I am so grateful to be learning and in a community that promotes silent contemplation, studious solitude, and discussion of ideas as part of a fulfilling life. 

What a beautiful campus we live on.

A theme that came up in my conversation with my English GSI and my therapist was about how that balance in motivation was so tricky to maintain. We want to be good at something, and yet, when we throw ourselves blindly and recklessly into a subject (or life?), we often end up hurting ourselves by clouding parts of our identity during the process. Failure in that area we devote ourselves to seems to attack the very core of our beings. We forget where we started, which was eager anticipation at the learning that lay before us. Instead, we end up tumbling forth in disarray, dazed and confused, wondering: what happened to that initial excitement and passion? Is this really what I want for my life? Why do I feel so discouraged?

I wish these feelings would not come to us at all, but inevitably, they do. And it's not wrong to have these doubts. They allow for us to discern what it is we really treasure. We either press on toward the goal, or let go in search of a new one.

If you are discouraged, it's okay. I believe it is all within the process of figuring out this mystery of life.

*Through bashing my head repeatedly against thick tomes, (literally and figuratively) I achieved enlightenment concerning my struggles: Knowledge acquisition doesn't come easy, whether it's Biology or Hegelian philosophy or writing essays that I'm mastering. All these areas take time to get better, and maybe that's a good thing. Just gotta appreciate the process and give thanks through and through. 

Here is some wonderful music to cheer you on to the end. Let's finish strong!

See you all next week.

Love, your friend,

- Jinwoo

Paradose of Doxical

I find that I am very selfish.
And when I do selfless things, I do it with selfish intentions, so my act of being selfless is selfish.
What a conundrum.

Here's a picture from 2012.

Do you recognize me?












(Front, 4th from the right!)

Regarding Influence

There's an old saying that goes: "It takes a village to raise a child."

This is where I grew up.

It means something along the lines of: a person is shaped by much more than his immediate family; the extent of his being influenced goes far beyond that.

That statement holds especially true today, due to the ever-growing methods of communication (Ex: Mobile phones, facebook, social media, this blog). We are able to interact with others on a global level. It can be scary and daunting when you think about it. 

Hi Mom!

In this sense, I suppose we are held more responsible - to try and grasp life on a global scale. We are called to see how our lives fit into this messy, but wonderful world. 

This can create a lot of pressure for us! The older generations (as far as I know) didn't have to keep social dynamics on the internet in mind. There was no aspect of "online presence".

I am so Pinterested in your Facebook right now.

Picking apart at this idea of influence, one can see it's a complex topic. But we don't really think about how we're influenced too much, do we?

And here are some questions I wonder about but haven't really come to a conclusion to: when do we stop being influenced? When do we coagulate and consolidate our beliefs? Do we ever? Should we? Can we?

Did I zip my fly this morning?

We're always under some influence, aren't we? Even when we are not "studying", everything we do, watch, listen to, shapes us in some way. I wonder what truths or lies we hold on to underneath the surface of our hearts.

Take a moment in your day to notice yourself - seeing the things that influence you, that you allow to influence you. Do you agree with its messages? Do you agree with you?

Let me know your thoughts below!

- Jinwoogle

Oh Shit

I forgot to post today.

It comes... And it goes.

It's Sunday...
I promised myself I would start this blog earlier this week, but the tides of work and life smacked me around and left me disconcerted for the majority of my free time.

Part I:

Saw a movie called Hacksaw Ridge on Saturday with my older brother - he'd been meaning to see it sometime, but never got around to it. I was super grateful that he got me to come with. The movie, I would say, is graceful and eloquent. It follows the story of a soldier named Desmond Doss and how his faith played out in the wartime.

Preparation before witnessing the glory of all that is cinema.

Part II:

A ladybug crawled onto my finger today. Its tiny legs gingerly finding its way around the tree bark and my finger held me in wonder. What is life? What gives life? Where does it come from? We've lost a lot of the sense of wonder in this world. I wonder how we can bring it back?
....I'll see myself out.

*heavy breathing intensifies

Part III:

Along this week, for reasons unknown, my heart felt heavy all throughout. It felt tied down in some way, burdened. I think it was the collective angst of the campus atmosphere due to the election.
Or it might be my Bio 172 class. Oh my God I hate that class please someone save me

I hate bio 172.

If you just can't get enough of that lady bug action: Bug

See you guys next week.

- Jinwoo

On Faith: Part 1

I recently got back from Compelling, a Christian conference that went from Friday (11/4) to Sunday (11/6) at MSU.

Life, liberty, and the Pursuit of Brody's.

The course I took was 1 Thessalonians: Faith in Real Life.

Our group did inductive bible study at each of the sessions, and as we shared personal stories of how God was shaping our lives, we inevitably grew close to one another as well.

Observations and Questions

There were many lessons I learned, but one stood out the most which I wanted to share:

When we walk in our faith journey for a long time, faith can seem like a burden, as we feel we have to keep a strong face for our friends.We think we have to act a certain way to be "Christian", and to do so otherwise would turn our friends away Christianity. (It's weird how we think sometimes) Like a heavy bag that we carry on our back that weighs us down, faith doesn't seem to help us at all.

But the truth is, that faith can really be a friend that you lean on for support. A treasure that you go to in times of darkness, and a precious gift given to us by God. To grow, to water, and to nurture faith is essential, and when you allow it, faith can really touch the deeper parts of our hearts and minds.

How? Let me explain.

Personally, my faith journey has not been an easy one. My life has been filled with experiences I count as more than I could ever handle: Depression, heartbreak, and family troubles being some to name specifically. Past experiences still haunt me today when I look over my shoulder. God can seem so unspeakably cruel.

And yet, for some reason, I hold on to faith, with faith, by the grace of God. Not because I'm courageous, and not because I'm tenacious, but because God chose to keep me in His arms. I don't know why He relentlessly pursues me, but I know there is nothing like His love.

I hope my faith can be like this awesome tree one day.

The message of a King who would give his only son for my imperfect, scarlet sinful life is life-changing. It's inspiring, encouraging, and most importantly, so incredibly humbling. It's something I so desperately seek to understand fully in my short time here on earth.

Don't run from uncertainty - run towards faith, and you will find yourself a better man for it.

Sincerely,

- Jinwoo Lee

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead."

- Philippians 3:13